


Bravado

by sharpiemarkie



Series: The Weight of Living [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, POV First Person, Porn with Feelings, Reader-Insert, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:00:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26824777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharpiemarkie/pseuds/sharpiemarkie
Summary: In the aftermath of the 57th expedition beyond the walls, Jean and the Reader both struggle with processing the days events and the failure of the mission altogether, but find comfort and solace within each other as the day closes.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Original Female Character(s), Jean Kirstein/Reader
Series: The Weight of Living [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/139590
Comments: 3
Kudos: 44





	Bravado

**Author's Note:**

> *shoves this at you guys as a peace offering for being missing for years* 
> 
> I know this isn't in chronologically in order with the main story but I wanted to post something nice for you guys since it's been a long time so here's something a lil spicy for you guys! Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also in the events of the story, everyone is around the ages of 18.
> 
> This fic is also based on the song Bravado by Rush.

The 57th expedition beyond the walls was a failure.

Yes, we may have gotten more information on these titans who have intelligence, but at what cost? A good number of scouts have lost their lives for us to travel out to titan infested woods for an attempt to capture this Female Titan and we couldn’t even hold her for more than five minutes! 

I felt numb as Armin and I hoisted up another dead body to load up in the carts. As much death as I’ve witnessed throughout my life, you’d think I’d become less sensitive to it at this point, but no. I still have a hard time dealing with all these people getting killed. I don’t even know a single thing about them other than they’re my comrades, but I know they have families that will be so upset. Parents, siblings, lovers, friends, and even children will not be able to hold these fallen loved ones again, just like I had lost my parents, Mina, and Marco…

A warm, calloused hand took hold of my left hand and squeezed it, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked up to find Jean staring down at me with a concerned look on his face.

“[First], do you need to take a break?” he questioned, “Armin and I can handle the rest if so.”

“I’m fine. It’s just… all these people… They have loved ones who’ll be devastated…”

A tear began to fall down my left cheek.

“I know it’s a tough thought to shake, but we gotta keep going,” Jean told me as he wiped away the tear with his thumb, “The sooner we’re done, the sooner we can get back to Karanes.”

I nodded and shakily reached down to grab the wooden handles of the next stretcher. Jean grabbed the other end and we hoisted up the body to the cart. We carried a few more bodies over before Jean sighed heavily.

“This is the part of our job I’ll never get used to,” he murmured.

“You’re not alone at that,” Armin sympathized with him.

“It seems like death’s just… everywhere. All I can think about is how it will end and which one of us is next, whether it will be me,” Jean’s voice dropped even lower as he looked over at me, “or her…”

I reached for Jean’s hand and laced our fingers together to comfort him.

“Try not to obsess over it. Only thing that train of thought is good for is breaking your nerve, believe me. Push it out of your mind,” Armin told him.

“I suppose you’re right. No, I know you’re right,” Jean agreed.

The three of us continued to place the fallen into the cart until it was full, then we worked on saddling up our horses for the ride back to Karanes and finally leave this hellhole of titan-infested lands.

* * *

I was completely unprepared for the onslaught of the civilians that crowded around us as we traveled back to the Survey Corps’ headquarters. Shouts and screams were coming in from every angle. Some were cheers from children, most were negative sneers from adults, and all of them were making me even more upset. How could children want this kind of life? Why must the adults scream at us for doing the job they’re too lazy and scared to do? That we’re wasting their money? Do they even know how fucking hard it is to survive against those monsters?

“This is what our tax money goes for?!”

“They were all piss and vinegar this morning to head out there, what happened in just a few hours?”

“Erwin Smith! How do you feel about sacrificing your soldiers?”

God, I just wanted to scream at everyone to shut the fuck up!

Just as I was about to lose my sanity, Jean dropped back to walk beside me and took hold of my hand again, reminding me that I’m not alone in this.

“Just keep your head low,” he whispered to me. “It’s less jarring when you can’t put a face with the voice.”

I squeezed his hand back appreciatively as we continued to walk through the city. I thought it was kind of ironic that the most hot-headed man that I know was trying to calm me down, but what Jean suggested did help ease away my anger towards the civilians. It was just tough that we had to endure their jeering the entirety of the trip through Karanes.

Once we were out of the district, we hopped back on our horses and rode the rest of the way back to headquarters in Wall Rose. The Scouting Legion divided up into teams to help with building pyres, putting up the horses, and tending to the injured as soon as we made it back to the castle. Luckily, us new members were told that we didn’t have to join them, so we were free to go get some rest from this awful day. I went on to the bath house to rid myself of all this grime and blood before I turned in for the night. 

After turning on the faucet of the shower and starting the hot water, I placed a sponge near to wash with before getting under the stream. The water did wonders to my aching body, but the longer I stood there, the more it made my mind wander back to what we’ve gone through in the past few hours. They told us that we’re now full-fledged Survey Corps members now that we’ve gone through our first expedition beyond the walls, but in reality, it’s just to say that you’ve got a little more luck than your comrades in surviving against titans in the field…

Oh God, the Female Titan… I still can hardly wrap my head around the fact that she killed all those people today and didn’t even bother eating any of them, just to get to Eren Jaeger. And the fact that she spared Armin twice! That can’t be just a coincidence. We did say she had intelligence just as Eren does when he turns into a titan though, so she has to be someone that has the same ability, right? Also, why did she look so much like Annie Leonhardt? 

I need to stop… Getting caught up in my thoughts will accomplish nothing. I picked up the sponge I had set aside and began to scrub myself clean.

* * *

When I made it back to the dorm rooms, I opened the door to the room Jean and I shared to find him sitting on the edge of the bed. He was exasperatedly looking down at the floorboards with a hand running through his hair. Even though he kept his composure straight out in the field, today really took a toll on him. Jean’s still not used to all this death happening either and I know that’s hitting him hard too. If only I could have protected him from all of this and preserved that sweet, brash boy from training I fell in love with…

Walking over to my side of the bed, I reached in the dresser and pulled out one of Jean’s old shirts that he lets me sleep in. After changing into it, I folded up my plain clothes and put it away since I just wore it from the bathhouse to here. Then I crawled into bed and made my way over to where Jean was sitting to wrap my arms around him tightly.

“Do you want to talk about it, love?” I questioned as I rested my chin on his shoulder.

“I’m fine,” he replied, “Just still trying to process the day’s events.”

“I know it’s a lot to take in, but thankfully it’s over for a bit,” I hugged Jean and reached for his hand to hold. “Let’s lay down and try to get some rest. Get your mind off of it.”

I gently pulled Jean’s hand towards me as I moved to the top of the bed, trying to nudge him into laying down with me. Luckily, he didn’t resist and moved with me to spread out on the bed. Once we were settled, I laced my fingers with Jean’s as I laid close to his side. Rubbing my thumb along the length of his, I tried to soothe him more since he still looked perplexed within his thoughts.

At some point, Jean let go of my hand and rolled over on top of me to wrap his arms around my torso. I clung tightly to his shoulders as he buried his face into my neck.

“I almost lost you today,” he admitted as he held me tighter. Jean started to slightly shake as I felt his lips go directly to my pulse. He lingered there for a moment before kissing it reverently.

Tears pricked my eyes as I thought back to earlier events and how I did narrowly escape death twice, but I also witnessed Jean in danger at least three times today. I could have sworn my heart was nearly going to stop each time.

“There were so many times I could’ve lost you too,” my voice wavered with emotion as I squeezed his shoulders. Jean pulled back to look at me, just as I added, “But we made it back fine. We’re alive.”

“We’re alive,” he repeated just before pressing his lips to mine.

Our kiss was deep and passionate, making the tears that welled in my eyes trickle down the sides of my face. After all we’ve been through today, I’m so thankful that I still get to hold him close and kiss him like this, that I can be in his presence at least a few days more.

As our kisses grew more heated, Jean began to trail his lips down to my neck again as he slipped his hands underneath my nightshirt to hold on my hips. While he did this, I busied myself with unbuttoning his shirt and trying to get it off him. When Jean got the hint, he withdrew his hands from me to finish the task. Then he added my shirt to the pile he started on the floor.

“Are you feeling up to this?” he asked me before we continued.

“Yes,” I answered breathily, “Especially if you are.”

Jean’s hands began to run over my body slowly, as if he was inscribing every inch to his memory. I sighed from pleasure as his meticulous fingers traced up my curves to the roundness of my breasts. He lingered there for a few minutes, his thumbs lightly brushing against my nipples until they turned into hardened peaks. My lips found his again as I ran my hands through his undercut, trying to find purchase in something to keep me grounded into reality. We stayed like this for a good bit, kissing each other reverently as our hands roamed each other’s bodies. 

Jean’s lips strayed from mine to trace a line down my neck to my left breast, making me moan his name softly. While his mouth was occupied, his hands continued their journey down my body until they reached my underwear. Hooking his thumbs around the waistband, he pushed them down to my ankles so that I could kick them off and into the floor. 

Now that I was completely bare before him, Jean was quick to put his hand between my legs, causing me to gasp. He snaked his other arm around my body to hold me close to him. Just before he started, I brought up Jean’s face back to my level to kiss him again as his fingers began to barely graze my clit. I mewled his name when we broke apart for a moment, grabbing his attention.

“Don’t tease,” I pleaded to him. In response, Jean pressed harder against me, making me moan.

“Better?”

“Yes,” I drawled in pleasure.

Jean leaned in to lavish attention to my neck again as he continued his ministrations. It wasn’t long before two of his fingers entered me and he began to thrust them slowly. I couldn’t help but to moan Jean’s name as my back arched in his hold from the pleasure he was bringing me. He kept his fingers going at a steady rhythm that seemed to be perfect for the moment. Not too fast, but just enough quickness and pressure to be satisfying. Within just a few minutes, he had me clinging tightly to his shoulders and whining his name as I came hard around his fingers.

“That’s it, baby,” Jean praised as he peppered more kisses down the column of my throat, letting me ride my pleasure out before withdrawing those long digits from me. 

While I was recovering, my hands moved towards the waistband of Jean’s pants and I tried to nudge them down off of him. He chuckled at my feeble attempt and decided to help aid the task by pushing them down along with his underwear, kicking them off to the floor with my own clothes.

Now that he was just as bare as I was, I reached out towards his erect cock to wrap my hand around him, but Jean intercepted it within his grasp before I could touch him. I shot him a confused look, but he just shook his head with a slight grin.

“I just rather be inside you tonight.”

I cracked a smile, “That’s fine with me.”

Jean took my hands and slowly moved them up above my head so he could hold them in place as he stretched himself out along the length of my body. I felt my core clench from anticipation when his heavy cock brushed against my inner thighs. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his waist as Jean brought his free hand down to guide himself towards my entrance and pushed in.

His name ripped out of me in the form of a moan as I felt him slowly descend upon me. Jean let out a groan and tightened his hold on my wrists while he pushed until he bottomed out. 

He stayed still as we both adjusted to the feeling of being connected this way, patiently waiting for my signal to start moving. It wasn’t long before I nodded and Jean began to slowly thrust in and out of me, building up a steady rhythm as he trailed the hand that wasn’t holding my wrists up to hold my hips for better leverage.

The gasps and moans that escaped our lips began to grow louder in volume once we found a decent pace to stick with. Jean’s cock was hitting all the right spots within me and I whined in pleasure, wanting to just touch and hold him.

“Jean, please,” I moaned out, “I need to touch you baby…”

Jean released my wrists so that I could wrap them around his broad shoulders and dig my nails into supple muscle.

“[First]…” he moaned my name, “feels so good.”

“You do too.”

The roll of his hips into mine began to quicken as I could feel myself building up into another orgasm.

“I’m so thankful for you,” Jean started to babble praises to me, “So thankful we get to spend another night like this… I love you, [First].”

“I love you too, Jean.”

Jean pulled me into another heated kiss as he moved the hand gripping my hip to take one of my own and intertwine our fingers together. This changed the angle up slightly, pushing my hips up higher on his, and it made everything feel so much more pleasurable. I tried to hold back my impending finish, wanting to come with Jean, but this new position was making it oh so hard to do so.

“I’m so close!” I gasped a warning as I gripped his hand tighter.

“I am..too!” he groaned. “Come with me, [First].”

Jean reached down between us and began to thumb at my clit, effectively making me cry out, pushing me over that precipice, and pulling him along with me. He moaned loudly as he pulled out quickly and released all over my thighs. Collapsing next to me in the bed, Jean kept our hands entwined as we caught our breath. 

“Feeling better?” I asked him with a grin.

Jean couldn’t hold back his laughter, “Of course. Love you.”

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

I leaned in and kissed him softly.

“I know the future is uncertain and death is all around us, but just know you never have to go at it alone, Jean.”

Jean brought his hand up to stroke my cheek, “I appreciate it. I know it’s hard on you too at times.”

“It’s gotten better with you around now too,” I hummed, “But babe…?”

“Yes?”

“Can you please clean me up before you get too comfortable?”

Jean looked down at my thighs and shot up from the bed quickly.

“Fuck! Shit, I’m sorry!”

He ran around the room, searching for a towel while I laughed.

Despite the losses of today, I believe we both learned that the only way we will both be able to make it through the Survey Corps without losing ourselves in all the madness is to not count the costs once the mission concludes and at the end of it all, make sure that our love remains.


End file.
